A lot of the things I have experienced this year, probably among the most significant and difficult being the death of my daughter, have led me to a deeper level of surrender. When I was faced with the loss, I really only had two choices: surrender or give up. But how could I give up on life, on my family, on my purpose, and ultimately on God, knowing His love for me?
I know the sacrifices Jesus made and what He truly accomplished for me on the cross. I know He kept me. After delivering my son prematurely, being falsely accused of abuse because of an unexplained fracture in his leg (all of this after I had spent a pregnancy pretty disconnected from Him)…He still kept me in my right mind.
Perhaps that doesn’t move you. But if you only knew the amount of mental and emotional strain I was left under after this sequence of events, you would understand. My body used to reinact the physical birth of my daughter, the pain, the muscle tension. I would find myself clenching my legs together in the middle of the night to save a daughter who had already died.
So I’ve surrendered all of my being, my ways, and my views to God because nothing could ever be enough to show Him my gratitude. I’ve surrendered all of this to Him because I know He has a plan. I’ve surrendered my politics to Him because His ways are higher than mine.
I’m going to let you in on a secret that I pretty much have kept to myself except for a few family members: I voted for Donald Trump.
Withhold your pitchforks for a second, suppress your outrage. You may wonder how any of what I experienced led me to that decision. I have learned God cares about our pain, but not as much as He cares about our progress. When I was in the hospital bed watching my daughter’s life slip away as I held her, He had a plan. When the trauma of the experience kept me up at night, He had a plan. When I asked him who I should vote for (yes actually prayed and awaited an answer) and He said Donald Trump, He had a plan. And that plan was centered upon His love for me and His desire for me to progress in my life and in Him, likewise for anyone willing to surrender.
God cares about the injustice occurring. He cares about the death of my daughter. He cares when innocent life is taken. He cares about this Nation’s history as it relates to race relations. Nonetheless, I cannot escape His plan by avoiding what hurts. Furthermore, I am convinced that His desire is for me to prosper particularly when I’m obedient to His instruction.
Many people are probably wondering how I voted for Trump considering the racial tension surrounding this election. To that, I say God’s own chosen people were enslaved for hundreds of years in Egypt
Then He said to Abram: “Know certainly that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, and will serve them, and they will afflict them four hundred years. Genesis 15:13 NKJV
but He promised that as a result they would be repaid for their pain.
And also the nation whom they serve I will judge; afterward they shall come out with great possessions. Genesis 15:14 NKJV
I’m not saying that offensive, racist, or bigoted things have not been said by Donald Trump. Is he a racist or a bigot? I’m not really sure, but based on my knowledge and relationship with God, those facts are irrelevant. I’ll leave the execution of judgement to Him. The racial tension and pain simply was not my determining factor because I recognize that God can still work through those situations just as He’s always done. He knows what He is doing and I trust Him to do it.
(Depending on people’s interest, this will be part 1 of a series surrounding my political decision. I plan on Part 2 being about how I consulted God and, depending on length, what He said specifically.)