I feared what my pen might reveal.
Not what others would uncover, but that which I had hidden that would reveal itself to me.
To write would require an honesty with myself and God. The truth that somewhere deep within me I was still hurting from the false accusations of strangers.
I had buried it so deep its existence was unknown even to my own consciousness.
But in darkness God met me and dealt with my fear, my disappointment, my apathy.
The darkness forced me into a state of desperation. That desperation prepared my heart to allow God into the broken places. He will heal you, if only he’s allowed access. We are taught that desperation is a sign of weakness, but to God, it’s a sign of surrender. And even if it is weak, God loves the opportunity to be strong on your behalf.
If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. Psalms 139:8-13 NKJV