My whole process of motherhood has been a turbulent one. One that exists only in the nightmares of other moms. One, that when expressed to other mothers, leaves their mouth gaping, unable to swallow or even process the shock of what I have experienced. I can feel the weight of their empathy when I express it, so I rarely do to avoid burdening other people.
My son, who is now 17 months old, was born 9 weeks early. My husband rushed me to the hospital when my water broke with my mother faithfully sitting in the back seat. She knew the last thing I wanted was a c section, but she also knew a c section was exactly what I was getting.
They put me in a room as nurses in training watched me like a science experiment all in the name of education. When they began my sonogram, I told them I had been to the hospital in Florida 2 weeks (maybe a little less) prior and they told me the baby’s size was measuring 3 weeks ahead. She vehemently denied that possibility (after all, she couldn’t be embarrassed in front of the nurses in training!) and made the incision the size that would fit a normal 31 weeker. My big boy, however, came out a whopping 5 lbs 5 oz. Not only was he big, but he was also basically dead as a result of her mistake.
Chest compressions later, my little guy made his way to the best NICU in our area which remained his dwelling place for the beginning of his days.
Upon discharge from the hospital, I packed up my belongings and the nurse’s assistant wheeled me down to the front door where my husband awaited me. I struggled with my incision to get in the car. As we drove away from the hospital I mourned what I did not experience. I mourned what I hadn’t even given one thought to while pregnant. The moment that I would drive home beginning a new season in my life, but I would drive home without child wailing in the back seat. I would drive home with my sobs being the only sound in the car.
I returned to the hospital a lot. Multiple feedings a day I was there. On some days I slept in a recliner next to his incubator through the night. I was going to experience the fullest of motherhood given my current circumstances. I had been blessed with a miracle baby who lived in spite of infection and in spite of doctor error and I would not miss any other moments.
In all of this, my husband and I remained prayerful (surprisingly because back then I was the panic queen). We knew God had stepped in to bring our son back to life at birth, so He not only would but had already provided the healing my son needed to be ahead of the curve as far as development. Our great expectation served us well and we brought him home 3 weeks later (6 weeks before the doctors prediction).
My Chubby Dub caught up developmentally by 8 months old while most preemies don’t catch up until 2 years of age and some not at all.
Everything I have been through from my son’s birth to my recent loss and all in between has had profound effect on me. I guess that goes without saying; but, I feel the effects in a positive way. I think if you really sit back and think over the trauma in your life, you can see how things that appeared as attacks at face value really were blessings in disguise in the truest sense. I’m not sure in what way your various circumstances blessed you but I can say with assurance that they have.
For me, the first and perhaps most important thing that happened for me was my experience with God and His love. We talk so much about soul winning, finances, tithing, sin, our purpose and there is nothing wrong with the conversation. It is necessary. But do we really talk enough about how God loves us? Do we really let believers and unbelievers know that they can personally experience the love of God in a way that is better than any level of ecstasy you can experience in the flesh? I would say not and I would say most people don’t even know where to begin to truly fall in love with God.
This concept of truly being blessed by your hardships is probably hard for many people to understand, maybe even you. But the story of David’s beginnings illustrates this point quite well:
And a champion went out from the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, from Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span. He had a bronze helmet on his head, and he was armed with a coat of mail, and the weight of the coat was five thousand shekels of bronze. And he had bronze armor on his legs and a bronze javelin between his shoulders. Now the staff of his spear was like a weaver’s beam, and his iron spearhead weighed six hundred shekels; and a shield-bearer went before him. Then he stood and cried out to the armies of Israel, and said to them, “Why have you come out to line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and you the servants of Saul? Choose a man for yourselves, and let him come down to me. I Samuel 17:4-8 NKJV
The Philistines sent Goliath to fight against the children of Israel. He talked against God and taunted the people. He was big and intimidating; the king at the time, Saul, had no desire to fight.
But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep his father’s sheep, and when a lion or a bear came and took a lamb out of the flock, I went out after it and struck it, and delivered the lamb from its mouth; and when it arose against me, I caught it by its beard, and struck and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God.” I Samuel 17:34-36 NKJV
David, however, had already experienced his fair share of attacks and battles while keeping his families flocks. He fought many a beast and it gave him the experience, confidence, and training to boldly stand up to Goliath in the name of his God.
That’s how you should see your battles and attacks. Even if it hasn’t been realized in your walk as of yet, it will be. You will see how it all will work for your good. You may not feel confident now but you are gaining the experience and training you need to walk the path God has for you. Because God loves you and has a plan and a purpose for you, He allows you to go through these trying times.