Your Partner is Not Supposed to Complete You

The focus of the next few posts will be on what needs to be in place or occur prior to entering into a relationship.

In prayer, the Lord gave me the following:

  1. Wholeness
  2. Renewed Mind
  3. Guidance
  4. Understanding
  5. Exchange
  6. Timing
  7. Equally Yoked


Before you even consider a relationship you must be whole. In fact, I suggest that infidelity in marriage is centered around a lack of wholeness in one or both partners; but, I digress. You may be wondering what exactly I mean by whole. When I say that, I am referring to wholeness in every area within yourself.

These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men. (Matthew 15:8,9 NKJV)

You have been taught commandments of men that are not only unscriptural, but set you up for an unhealthy, unfruitful relationship. You seek a mate that is financially stable, has a good job, looks and behaves in a way that society has told you was right.  Then, once you have met all these requirements, you enter into a seemingly “perfect” relationship and are dumbfounded when it does not work.

The wholeness I am referring to is emotional and spiritual. In a previous post, I discussed Isaiah 53:5.

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5 NKJV)

Greek word: Shalom
Definition: completeness, soundness, peace

We see in this scripture, that Jesus not only came for your salvation; but the chastisement He experienced on the cross gave you access to wholeness. If you have yet to access it, you are not ready for a relationship.

  • Emotional
  • Your partner is not supposed to complete you. In fact, they do not have the capacity to carry your burdens. I know this is something we have been shown in society: if your life is in shambles, all you need is a good man or woman and suddenly everything is okay {thanks Tyler Perry}. This is simply not true. You must address the pain, discomfort, stress, insecurity within yourself. Whether it stems from something you are currently going through, or something you have been through in the past, you will have no choice but to visit/revisit it. When you are whole, you cannot be pressured into intimacy, you won’t allow yourself to be treated poorly, you won’t form an unhealthy attachment to the other person, etc.

  • Spiritual
  • Wholeness from a spiritual sense is equally {if not more} important. It actually relates to the concept of placing your burdens on your partner, rather than placing them on the Lord; but, it is also more than that. Relationships, if you are looking at them from a Biblical sense, must be grounded in the Lord in order for the relationship {and the two people} to find themselves in the perfect will of God.

    Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 NKJV)

    As you can see, God plays an important role in all relationships {not just romantic}. Seeking God personally is just vital.

    So Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin! Yes, all that a man has he will give for his life. 5 But stretch out Your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will surely curse You to Your face!” And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand, but spare his life.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. 8 And he took for himself a potsherd with which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes. Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips. (Job 2:4-10 NKJV)

    In the time of testing that Job experienced, his wife’s lack of personal relationship with the Lord is evident. This is probably part of God’s ultimate plan (see my series Prospering in Spite of…) but the fact still remains that she showed little understanding or support.

    Just remember, you are complete in God. A partner is not meant to complete you, but only compliment you and strengthen your ministry on the earth.


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